The season premiere of Bones last night was… okay. I don’t know why TV shows find it necessary to bring you an episode filmed in another country - usually that’s a sign that the sharks are circling and the lead characters are about to jump them. Granted, seeing jolly olde England was nice for me, having lived there and experienced difficulty driving on the left myself, but I’m not sure why it was necessary.

(Spoilers will abound here, so if you DVR’d it to watch this weekend, stop reading right here.)

Quick recap: Bones and Booth are lecturing at Oxford Uni and Scotland Yard where they meet their doppelgangers (a wise, tough female cop partnered with a genius forensic professor) - can you say “contrivance?” I knew you could. But the actors make it work. I’m also pretty sure the British copper was the Suzie they keep killing on “Torchwood,” but that’s neither here nor there.

An heiress is murdered and B&B are asked to help solve the crime. With the help of the squints, they make quick work of the case while Bones flirts with the professor who’s a bit of a lad. Meanwhile, back at the lab, Angela’s mysterious and gorgeous husband shows up to claim her. Awkward moments abound, and eventually he sees that Angela is meant for Hodgins. But as Cam takes him to the airport, his flight is delayed so naturally they tumble into bed together. Cue more awkwardness.

Sweets is back, along with the hapless grad student who replaced Zack who still doesn’t fit in with the squints, and long story short, Angela and Hodgins break up anyway. They aren’t sure why, the audience isn’t sure why, and it just seemed stupid. I hope there’s a reason for it other than Hart Hanson’s weird desire to always “shock” us. Dude, some of us are still pissed about Zack. Now is not the time to play silly buggers with our feelings about your show. (See how I throw cute little British-isms in? It’s an homage you see.)

Back in the UK, Bones’ flirtation with Dr. HunkyPlayboy ends abruptly when he’s murdered in his flat. Booth and Bones stay on to help solve the crime.

What I liked about the premiere:

• David Boreanaz just gets better with age. Man, he could stand still and read the phone book to me and I would be entertained.
• The easy relationship between Booth and Bones is fun. They’re like an old married couple already - considerate, teasy… You can just tell they’re comfortable with each other and both actors portray this relationship amazingly well.
• So help me, I loved Sweets this episode. I’m starting to accept his position among the squints though it requires quite the suspension of belief to do so. His assessment of the situation between Cam, Angela’s ex, and Hodgins/Angela was endearing and sweet.

What I didn’t like:

• Booth’s constant, jock-like bitching about the ways of the English. But I’ll admit there were some funny moments that explained it - I think it was Cam who said Booth was not adaptable to Bones as Booth attempted to parallel park his Mini. That made me laugh. But maybe it’s just me who can’t wrap my head around the fact that some people think it’s ok to show up in another country and basically do nothing but insult their culture at every opportunity.
• The character of Booth hasn’t evolved very well. In fact, I’d say he’s devolved. In Season One, Booth was a good guy, a stand-up guy, with a dark but proud past. He had problems (gambling, dealing with having been a sniper etc.) and displayed moments of compassion and gentleness that made me adore him. Season three and four Booth seems like the high school jock who never got past his glory days. He’s more buffoonish and one-dimensional these days. I really miss Season One Booth.
• The two murder cases were standard fare. Not interesting at all. Never got a chance to care. It’s like the cases are just background noise anymore while they bring the soap opera drama and comedic moments up front. That’s fine, I’m ok with Bones not being a strict forensics show - I mean, there’s a reason I’ve never watched a single episode of the CSIs. But for all their talk about being more about the characters, I see very little character development going on.

Maybe I’m still rather bitter about the handling of Zack. Maybe that coloured my opinion of the premiere. It was just okay. Not outstanding at all. It’s nice to have them back, but I’m going to stop holding my breath for the stuff I loved from the beginning of the series because it looks like that’s gone for good. Which is a shame.

I’m going to watch it. Yes, after a few months, I’m still irritated with last season’s finale and the schlock ending of Bones. But not enough to lose interest. I’m going to try to just roll with the show and hope for the best. I still love Boreanaz, still love Deschenel, and if they at least lose Angela’s stupid, ‘Oops I forgot I was married!’ storyline, I will be much appeased.

I’ve been sort of low-pro the past few weeks, mainly because, and I’ll be honest here, I’m actually not watching television much. At least not current stuff. I’ve been enjoying all four seasons of Doogie Howser, MD on Hulu as well as rewatching Battlestar Galactica on DVD. I actually reduced my cable package down to basic/expanded  because I thought it was ridiculous to pay for 500 channels I never watch.

And so I’m having trouble thinking of stuff to write here. But with the new season starting up, with Bones and Dollhouse being the ones I’m most interested in, I’ll pick back up, I’m sure. But I might start leaning heavily towards talking about older shows I’m catching on the intertubes. So for my two or three readers, hope you don’t mind!

Anyway, Bones. Tonight. Tell your friends.

Here it is more than a week later and I’m still all “Grrrr” about the Bones finale. I can’t help but wonder how David Boreanaz, Emily Deschanel, and the rest of the cast really feel about Eric Millegan’s departure and the way it was done. We’ll probably never know, but instead of continuing to fume over it, I’ve reworked the finale to soothe my irritated mind. What follows is how I would have been “blown away” by Hart Hanson’s desire to “shock” the fans in the finale.

——–
The show opens on Brennan standing beside Booth’s grave speaking eloquently about Booth’s life and his service to his country. She was indeed informed of Booth’s survival, and understood the opportunity to take out the guy the FBI was trying to ensnare. Booth is moved by her words as he stands in his dress uniform with the honor guard (or whatever, I don’t know the proper term for them) and has a little half-smile on his face when he notices their target moving in towards the coffin. A scuffle ensues, in which Brennan and the undercover agents subdue the guy.

Cut to the diner where Booth and Brennan are chatting. Maybe Booth starts to bring up the stuff she said graveside, but they are interrupted by Sweets who joins them and attempts to analyse the whole fake death scenario. Booth and Brennan return to treating him like the annoying kid brother who wants to hang out and some fun banter is had by all.

Back from the commercial break and Brennan et. al. are working in the lab identifying 500 year-old bones while things are quiet. It’s at this point that Zack finds the box with Gormagon’s jawbone and hands it to Brennan. She is unwilling to suppose the jawbone and screws are from Gormagon, but of course, they are and the team begins working on identifying the jawbone. We have the “Booth paralyzed by the paradox of the lab being a crime scene that the techs can’t enter” scene and it’s at this point where we notice a tour group of bright young students being herded out of the area by security. The camera hones in on one particular student who seems to be watching Booth and the others begin to investigate the bone. He has a smirk on his face.

Cam identifies the bone as belonging to the lobbyist and Zack and Hodgins perform their experiment to determine how the denture marks on the jawbone were created and they somehow forensically figure out (bear with me, I figure this part is the writer’s job to fine-tune all the forensics stuff), through a bunch of tests and bouncing of ideas off each other that the rest of the lobbyist’s bones are scattered amongst the bones in Limbo. And they discover that the dentures were created from the canines from several skulls. But who would have had access to Limbo that could slip in with a bag of bones, scatter them, and rip out canines from a bunch of skulls unnoticed?

It’s a mystery.

The gang starts looking at each other for motive as they realize the apprentice and/or Gormagon could be among them. Booth and Brennan work with Sweets to try to profile their coworkers, huddled up in Brennan’s office. There is an explosion - purely diversionary - in one of the chemical labs. When the smoke clears, Zack Addy is missing. There is confusion and angsty drama as the team try to decide whether Zack is the apprentice or whether he’s been kidnapped. Brennan gives another eloquent and passionate speech about loyalty and trust that she has in her team while Booth finds evidence on the security cam that Zack was actually taken by a skinny, small male who had managed to knock Zack out with chloroform or something.

Suddenly, the case hits the gang closer to home as each work hard to find clues that will lead to Gormagon and save Zack. Finally it’s Hodgins, who identifies an unusual spike in lead levels around a sprawling, rundown estate. Booth leads a team in, finding a blue back door they could break down. The wend their way through twisty hallways until a room opens up. It must have been a pool at some point, but now it’s a sunken, tiled floor surrounded by candles, with a table set up in the middle. Fine linens, polished silverware and beautiful crystal deck out the table. Seated there is Gormagon and his apprentice, both sporting fangy, canine dentures, grinning like madmen. Before him on the table is the meal he was eating. Behind him is Zack, dead, and being consumed. He is trussed like the silver skeleton and a large portion of his midsection is just gone, presumably cooked and set on the table as Gormagon’s meal.

During the scene with the FBI team and Booth breaking into Gormagon’s place, there could be a flashback montage of the clues in the episode that show who the apprentice was, how he got inside the lab, and most importantly, why they took Zack:

The apprentice was young enough to be able to pass as a student in a tour group. In a place as large as the Jeffersonian, it’s easy to slip away from the group and get into places you don’t belong (hey, it’s television.) He scattered the lobbyist’s bones in several trips with the bones in his backpack. He wasn’t searched as part of a tour group.

One flashback shows Gormagon approaching Zack at a conference and engaging him in conversation. We don’t hear what is said, but it’s clear that he and Zack spoke for some time. But because Zack never mentioned the conversation during the investigation, we can assume that Gormagon never came out and said who he was and could easily have just been ‘talking shop.’ Perhaps Gormagon knew who Zack was and was fishing for info about the silver skeleton in the vault and where the team stood on discovering his identity. Or perhaps he was looking to recruit because his current apprentice was faltering in some way. This could maybe stay vague. Anyway, the Gormagon decided in his twisted mind that if he took out Zack, it would impede the investigation and allow him more time to find a way to retrieve the skeleton. He just didn’t count on Hodgins finding his location based on the lead content in the water.

The show ends with another funeral, this one real, this one for Zack. His whole family is there and very sad, and his other family, his friends at the Jeffersonian are there. Brennan, again, is speaking eloquently about Zack and what he meant to her. Booth is stoic, but mentally beating himself up for not protecting the boy.

Fade out.

——–

So yes, I killed Zack Addy. I wrote this from the viewpoint that Hart Hanson wanted to “shake things up” and Eric Millegan was going to be the victim of the shakeup, so I wanted to give Zack a better ‘out.’ That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I’m going to take up this space to talk about my reactions to the Bones season finale. If you have not watched it yet, don’t read on because I’m pretty much going to spoil it.

Initial thoughts as I actually watched the episode were that first, I was a little bit mad at the blatant emotional manipulation of Booth’s fake-out funeral. They leave us hanging (sort of, I mean come on, they aren’t going to kill off David Boreanaz) as to whether Booth died of a gunshot, and they open the finale with everyone getting ready to go to his funeral - and they all believe he died.

But it turns out that his death was faked so the FBI could lure out some no-name national Security risk we’ve never heard of who said he’d only resurface at Booth’s funeral. I’m sorry, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??? The only thing I can think of that was served by this silly, clichéd plot device was it exposed Sweets’ manipulation of Brennan’s grief, and let us see Booth naked in a bathtub.

But moving past that and into the big shebang moment of the show - Zack was the apprentice Gormagon. Zack Addy, brilliant if socially awkward Zack apparently got brainwashed by a nobody with an inferiority complex.

Yeah, I don’t buy it either. And judging by the fan reaction on some boards, I’m not the only one angry at the crapfest that was the Bones finale.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do not think the episode was completely without merit. The actors did what they do exceedingly well, which is taking something bad and turning it into emotional, character-layering awesomeness. For example, The character of Cam on the show has often felt 2-D and just sort of there for exposition purposes. Last night, when she learned the truth of Zackaroni’s betrayal, the way she handled it, the emotions that played across her face were amazing. The same for Brennan in the scene where she shows Zack that his logic is flawed and that he was used by Gormagon (or whatever, I got lost. I’m not big with the logic myself.) A simple gesture of resting her head on his showed us how much she loved Zack and wanted desperately for the whole thing to be untrue.

The show was filled with excellent moments like that. But they were all negated by the fact that the seemingly threw some names in the air and whichever one landed face-up was going to be the baddie. The plotholes are so big that even I can’t fanwank them. And I shouldn’t have to work so hard TO fanwank it.

First of all, they did not drop a single piece of clueage during the entire season that one could look back on and realize that Zack was indeed ripe for a little brainwashing. He seemed a little off when he returned from Iraq, but they never dealt with it. Did he have issues? Why was he sent back early? Does he have PTSD? Who knows? Other than that, we have no flippin’ idea why Zack was vulnerable to the Gormagon. And it’s not that I have a problem with the apprentice being Zack. I could buy it if there had been a single thread, a tiny clue along the way that lead to this. I think it would have had more of an emotional impact if there had been.

The biggest plothole of all? The story arc of the Gormagon and his cannabalistic followers was clear in that the apprentices were all “widow’s sons.” They were mostly recruited from the foster care system. Um hai - Zack came from a huge, loving family and his father is still alive. Therefore, he is not a widow’s son.

*sigh*

I will miss Zack. From what I’ve read, the actor did not actually want to leave the show, but the writers and showrunner, Hart Hanson, wanted something shocking for the finale and I guess Eric Millegan drew the short straw. But he was my favourite squint.

I’ll watch next year because I’m loyal and I do love all the characters, but my adoration took a hit with this move and I’m unhappy at the apparent choices the showrunners made to go with this story arc. You can’t blame the writer’s strike. The Gormagon plotline could have carried over to next season easily. Honestly it might have been wiser to end with the AI tie-in episode and leave us wondering all summer if Booth made it and instead created a show about the guy the FBI needed to flush out at Booth’s funeral.

But I’m just a viewer. What do I know?

Ah Bones. The grand finale is tonight and from what little I’ve read (I’m a notorious spoilerphobe) it promises to be devastating. We’ll see. I’m both looking forward and sort of dreading it. At the end of last week’s episode, Booth was shot by his stalker in an episode that was both great, and really irritating.

It was a tie-in show for American Idol. That pisses me off. Not only do we have to contend with stunt casting a la Britney on How I Met Your Mother, but now FOX is using it’s lineup of serials and dramas to pimp AI? So help me if next year Kiefer Sutherland has to save Kelly Clarkson from a terrorist I will boycott FOX forever.

In last week’s Bones, The duo had to discover the killer of a karaoke singer with big dreams. The murderer and one of the suspects were played by two AI contestants. I’ve no idea if they got far in the contest because I stopped watching. Anyway, they solved the crime (and the killer was lame) but along the way Booth picked up a psycho stalker chick. They left it hanging as to whether Booth was dead or not, but come on. He’s one of the co-stars and a producer to boot. I somehow doubt he’s dead.

Having whinged about the show a little I’m still going to say I’m looking forward to the finale.

I have to stop reading sites like Television Without Pity. I find myself continually influenced by the negative opinions of others that my own enjoyment of shows I usually love is affected. And TWoP is a site built around snark.

Don’t get me wrong - I don’t have a hate-on for TWoP. It’s a fun site with some great recappers and a big community of television lovers. It’s heavily moderated - probably one of the most moderated sites I’ve ever posted on. I mean, I started out a post with the word ‘Um’ once and got dinged by them, and that ding stayed on my record for a couple of years. For a site built on snark, they probably would like the snark directed at the shows themselves rather than other users.

But I digress.

The reason I bring all this up is that I’ve been following the “Bones” forum on TWoP and there are some deep thinkers there. Almost too deep. I love “Bones.” I have been critical of it lately, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s not a direct reflection of the posts I read in the “Bones” thread - many of the longtime viewers there are hyper-critical of the characters, the plots, the dialogue, the clothes worn, the directors, writers and man do some of them really hate Cam.

I worry that reading those opinions has lessened my enjoyment of “Bones” by forcing me to watch it with a hyper-critical eye. I’ve always been one to tout the entertainment aspect of the TV world and I avoid nitpickers and naysayers on shows I love. I’m finding that I avoided them because I let them influence me too much until I stop liking a show altogether.

I’m sure it’s a character flaw of mine because I know people who can read spoilers and nitpick with the best of them, yet they still tune in every week. But when does a show go from being purely entertaining to a show you watch just to nitpick and mock? I’m not denying the rights of the TWoPers to do what they do and feel what they feel about “Bones.” I wouldn’t keep reading the dang thread there if I didn’t somewhat care about what other people think of the show I love so much. But I think I have to be careful. I’m pretty good at fanwanking and in fact I prefer to just sit back and watch. Plotholes and mistakes in forensics or courtroom traditions don’t ever jump out at me. I can forgive it if it serves the overall story.

This week’s episode of “Bones” was wonderful. I loved the intensity, the emotion, the ethical dilemmas. But reading fan reaction and nitpicks has influenced how I feel about the episode. And if I rewatch it, I’ll only see the tiny mistakes and missteps the eagle-eyed viewers of TWoP caught. And that’s a shame.

And it’s different than reading a simple review of a show. A review is usually just an overall, “I liked it/hated it” thing without going into minute detail. A recap is pretty detailed. A TWoP recap is detailed and snarky as hell and that can be funny or it can wreck your enjoyment of a show. I had to quit reading the TWoP recaps of “24″ because I couldn’t stop referring to Tony Almeida as ‘Soulpatch’ which took me out of the moment.

Anyway, this rambling post doesn’t have much of a point so I’ll put it out of its misery

Bones was a pleasant surprise last night. Despite my last little rant about the show venturing off into sitcom land, last night’s episode, “The Baby in the Bough,” proved that they could pull it off if that is their intention.

Let me preface that by saying I am a master at the fanwank. Last night’s episode required a lot of fanwanking. The plotline that forced Booth and Brennan to take temporary custody of a baby was forced and contrived and basically served to show Brennan could eventually soften up and become attached and motherly. The whole whodunnit aspect of the episode was secondary and kind of sloppy. I know who killed the mother, but I don’t know how he did it. The forensics aspect of the show seems to be treated like it *has* to be there because the show is called “Bones” and she’s a forensic anthropologist.

But I have the wonderful ability to let all that go and just enjoy the character interactions and dynamics. I’ve never been a nitpicker when it comes to reviewing shows. I don’t care if there’s not supposed to be sound in space, or if the real senator of West Virginia wouldn’t let a bridge go unrepaired in real life because, well, the show isn’t real life. People seem to forget the e-n-t-e-r-t-a-i-n-m-e-n-t aspect of television. I’ve never been able to understand the need to nitpick.

And so I laughed giant belly laughs when Brennan told the baby that the pink stuffed elephant was “wrong” and even harder laughs when she was trying to quiet the child by showing him her “dancing phalanges” (better known as Spirit Fingers ) I’m sorry, but that was frickin’ hilarious.

So who cares if the Brennan/Baby bonding was contrived. Apart from that, it was handled well, acted well, and seemed like a natural thing. The mystery was tidied up, we get to see the softer side of Brennan, Booth is a natural with kids (since he has one of his own) and Angela and Hodgins aren’t going to waste screen time in the future fighting about whether they want kids. I liked this episode much better than last week’s.

I worry about this third season of “Bones.” Maybe it’s the influence of pessimism and snark emanating from the Television Without Pity forums, but I’m increasingly annoyed by this season of Bones.

Last night’s episode, “Player Under Pressure” was originally set during season 2, but was postponed because of the Virginia Tech massacre (the episode revolves around a college basketball player who was murdered on campus. And maybe it was a respect thing which is totally cool, but after finally seeing the episode, I couldn’t really see any similarities between that horrible event and the plotline of the episode, but whatever.) It was nice to finally get to see the episode, but it served to highlight the glaring inconsistencies between the two seasons.

Almost everything this season seems to be played for laughs. Angela’s mysterious Fiji husband she married on a drunken holiday, Hodgins and Zach fighting over ‘King of the Lab’ titles, Booth going from hardened military sniper turned FBI agent dealing with a gambling problem to a big old goof complete with pratfalls and hokey facial expressions, Brennan and Booth forced into “couples” therapy for reasons I have yet to figure out and their shrink played by a 23 year-old guy who stays up at night playing video games?

Where is my, dare I say it, broody Seeley Booth who feels like he can’t have a relationship without putting that woman in danger? Where is Brennan’s all-night sessions in the lab rebuilding a shattered skull and studying bones trying to get them to give up their secrets?

Having said all of that, there are wonderful comedic moments that i love about the show and I’ve pretty much always labeled Bones as a lighter forensics show. Davis Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel are able to add layers to their characters with a seemingly throwaway line. In, “The Man in the Morgue,” Bones walks into a friend’s house calling his name. His name is Graham. So she’s yelling, “Graham? Graham?” and Booth mutters under his breath, “Cracker.” - Hilarious stuff!

So it’s not that I don’t like the comedic moments on the show. And I’m happy Boreanaz is getting to play something else besides a broody vampire. But I miss the balance the show was able to find in its freshman season between the broody and the funny. I think the show has lost that.

The first new “Bones” is on tonight (a new night, fyi.) The show has not aired since either late November or early December (I’d have to check my DVR to be sure. Either way it’s been a long damn time.) Admittedly, I got into this show because of the draw of David Boreanaz. I finished the last season of “Angel” and wanted more Boreanaz so I Netflixed “Bones.” And surprisingly, I found myself enjoying it. I say surprisingly because I’m not really one for the forensics shows. I prefer character-driven shows whenever possible.

But “Bones” turned out to be a character-driven forensics show and so I was a happy girl. Even if the show did squick me now and then. It’s full of corpsy-goodness. Wet, burnt, mutilated corpsy-goodness. *shudder*

Tonight’s episode is called “The Man in the Mud” and involves the remains of a professional motorcycle racer found in, well, mud. The team has to find the killer while Bones and Booth’s shrink forces them into a double date situation.

Now, the mud thing sounds pretty nifty. The double date thing seems, to put it bluntly, forced. The show has always fluctuated between gritty drama and campy humour and sometimes they pull it off, and sometimes they stretch their credibility. They’ve done it moreso in this third season when the most idiotic reason ever was contrived for getting Booth and Bones to kiss. Don’t get me wrong - I want to eventually see those two crazy kids get together as much as the next B/B shipper - but I want it to evolve naturally. I don’t want it shoved down my throat just because it’s what the writers think we want and it’s their way of giving us what we want without committing to a love story arc.

They used a crusty, feisty attorney who is friends with Booth and Bones to get all Puck-ish at Christmas and basically blackmail Bones into getting Booth to kiss her. It was stupid and I wish they hadn’t done it. But what’s done is done and I was hoping they’d spend what little time they have left after the writer’s strike to develop and solve the far more interesting Gormogon killer story arc. But judging by tonight’s evident foray into the romantically absurd, I don’t think I’ll get my wish.

But I’ll watch, because at the end of the day, I’m shallow and can at least stare all googly-eyed at David Boreanaz