13 Miles

Day 88.

LEFT CALF: I know most of you are expecting to read Jack Sheard’s blog here. But today, things have changed.

RIGHT CALF: Yeah, that’s right. We’re going to write this precious little diary.

RIGHT SHIN: He is so cocky. Did you hear him the other day?

RIGHT CALF: Yeah, I heard that. He was braggin’ about how he ran 10 miles. ‘I did so great. It was awesome. Blah, blah blah.’

LEFT FOOT: He doesn’t mention us at all. No word about us in leg land. I mean, look what he called this entry: ‘Blame it on my legs: The worst run ever.’ Ouch.

LEFT THIGH: That’s so true. No ‘And I owe it all to my thighs. Especially my left one.’ Or anything.

RIGHT CALF: He hardly even stretched before he left for that 10 miler. Then, he has the nerve to give hardly an effort to stretch when he got back. What a punk.

LEFT HAND: Yeah, and he treats me like an off hand!

RIGHT FOOT: Who brought Left Hand?

LEFT FOOT: I told him he could come, he was carrying treats. Left Hand, no more talking.

RIGHT FOOT: Anyway. I can’t believe what we had to do yesterday: He made us stand around for four hours while he blew his little whistle. ‘Refereeing’ is what he calls it. I call it a big pain.

RIGHT SHIN: Another thing about that 10 mile run: I heard him tell somebody while he was running this little ditty: ‘The thing I don’t like about running is I can’t just get up and run. I’ve got to tape my toes, take some ibuprofin for my knees, stretch so much … all before I can do anything. I wish I could just get up and go.’

LEFT CALF: I heard that too! Man, he would be nothin’ without us.

RIGHT CALF: That’s why we spoke up this morning.

LEFT SHIN: Awww yeah! That’s right. We put him in his place.

LEFT CALF: He stretched us out a little, then when he started, we started yelling at him and we decided we weren’t gonna play nice.

RIGHT CALF: Left Calf and I, we kept at it. He stopped and stretched us out AGAIN, like a block from his house. It was great. But we didn’t stop.

LEFT CALF: Did you all see the way he was running? He looked like one of those speed walkers. Ha!

LEFT FOOT: Awesome. But did he stop?

RIGHT CALF: Nope. He doesn’t learn does he? He stopped again, short of two miles and started WALKING! Then he started running again, the fool. Later, I actually heard him say, ‘I don’t feel anything. Do you feel anything? Nope.’

LEFT KNEE: Ha, ha, ha. I heard that. That’s when we spoke up.

RIGHT KNEE: BOOOOOOM! Ha, ha, ha. He felt that.

LEFT KNEE: Yup, he did. He stopped running at that point. We walked the rest of the way home. Ha, ha, ha.

RIGHT KNEE: He seems to listen to us.

LEFT FOOT: And now he’s icing you. Huh.

LEFT CALF: He’ll start taking care of us, too, if he knows what’s good for him.

RIGHT CALF: I’m not sure he has any clue, though. We got home, and he almost jumped in the shower without stretching us out again! This guy is braindead!

BRAIN: Don’t blame this on me. He’s running mile after mile after mile. He ain’t using me at all.

RIGHT FOOT: That’s true. That’s true.

LEFT CALF: Let’s just hope he learned his lesson about running without stretching.

RIGHT CALF: And for all you people reading this, if you see him at the half-marathon Saturday doubled over in pain or running like he’s on cross-country skis, you’ll know we still haven’t forgiven him.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 25th, 2008 at 7:20 am and is filed under Training | . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.